a poem for a year

one year ago we lost you in the early morning hours
funny how time can project so far forward and yet fold in on itself
all in one breath; one thought
one raw emotion.

looking back at a blur that was
that nearly consumed us
i'm struck by your fearlessness in the face of it all
despite the haze, the drugs, the pain
your essence was altogether coherent.
constant.

stubborn, unyielding, as was your way
you clung to us - to life
in those last hours
until finally returning to
the salt of the earth.

the scar has healed but
still, a spec of pink
bubbled over a tingly core.

let's not pick apart
that last chapter
of calamity
night terrors and bile.

focus on the calm,
the normalcy that was
before it began.

I miss you showing me the flyers. I miss your calm, appreciative nature. I miss the shine of your rhinestones off the kitchen mirrors. Your laugh. Your quiet determination. Your willingness for peace. I even miss the way you always reminded me of the correct way to play with the kitty. I see hints of you everywhere and I am trying hard not to let the little, everyday details slip through the cracks of time. Please don't scare me in the dark, though. I know you would love a little trick like that.

We miss you Patsy and you are forever in our thoughts.