Sunday, January 16, 2011

Currents+Brain Stew

listening: the sound of my printer
eating: nothing yet today
drinking: OJ and coffee to come
wearing: sweats and a roxy sweater
feeling: groggy, confounded, apprehensive
weather: light snow and sunshine
wanting: to stretch my sore muscles
needing: a new pair of winter boats if I can't fix the zipper on my old ones
thinking: about too many things at once
enjoying: having today off
wondering: will we get approved for a mortgage? how much can we really afford?

When words are slow and clumsy (though my mind is racing a million miles) I turn to this quick and simple list to capture the moment.

We have been looking at condos, townhouses, houses.... we have been dreaming. We have been making budgets and check-lists and overwhelming ourselves just a tad (okay, it's more me, not him). We are conjuring up scenarios, tweaking different variables, all to see what is do-able, what is comfortable and affordable. It is so very scary to think that all the savings I've worked so hard towards will soon be "gone" and then we'll be locked into a long period of debt. I know I can't think like that. Everyone is in the same boat, everyone has to tackle it. Gotta shift the frame of mind and accept it. Just do it, just give in and know that it's okay.

I know I need to slow down, take breaks, pace myself, and then it will seem more manageable.

Today I would like to go outside and take pictures of the way the sun is reflecting off the snowbanks. I would like to take a walk. I would like to scrapbook. I would like to spend fewer hours in front of this screen.

Happy Sunday!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Back in the Groove

It's Sunday morning and I'm just about to finish an over-sized cup of coffee. It's regular, not vanilla hazelnut, which means I have officially bid farewell to the holiday season. I'd been clinging to its allure for a few days (okay, a week) longer than I should have, but really now, the gingerbread people were all eaten last night so there's no going back. We will have to wait another 11 months before the most wonderful time of the year.

Trying to adjust to the 6:15 wake-up call has been brutal this week, especially since I was unable to fall asleep before 2 am most work nights. Ickiness... I am going to try to stretch my sleep time until 7 am and see if I can pull it off. It means I would have to get ready in about 20-25 minutes flat, but I think it could be accomplished if I shower the night before, have my lunch prepared and my outfit picked out. The extra 45 minutes of sleep would be awesome. I'm going to test my plan tomorrow, so let's hope for the best.

My students did not forget everything over the holidays, thankfully, although on the first day back I had the impression that they were incredibly demanding of my immediate attention. Was this attributed to them all being the center of attention over the holidays, or was it my lack of sleep coupled with the fact that I had adapted to almost two consecutive weeks sans enfants? Maybe a bit of both. After much repetition and modeling, I'm hoping that they will soon fall back into a more self-sufficient pattern. I know they are able to, but just need seem guiding.

It's also a library weekend for me, and an incredibly busy one at that. The one advantage is that my shift passes in a blur. I also needed to stock up on must-read books for myself, and some books for my class, so I'm glad to be able to get them while working.

We hung out with Cindy and Jason last night. Ate all-together too much, played Clue, Scene It and tried their Xbox Kinect, which is highly entertaining.

Alright, time to get on with my day. I'll share a layout that makes me laugh. You have to say the title with a Ricky Gervais accent and it will make it that much better. Cheers!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Shift and Begin

The new year has come and gone. It is my last day of vacation. I have toyed with the idea of a trip to Plattsburgh with mom but the specifics have failed to materialize. We like the idea of going, perhaps, more than the actual act of going. Why is that? There is some excitement in various possibilities all at once; an open road ahead and so much to explore. Then again, there is also the danger of dreaming too much and getting tangled in what-ifs and could-haves and far too many variables that it becomes crippling. I have been known to be deceived by this habit. Indecision is my one of my biggest shortcomings. To resolve this issue has been on my self-improvement list for some time. It tends to improve when I make lists with precise details, or when I play out full scenes in my mind so I can watch how it will all pan out if only I make the choice. Imagery can be so powerful. I know I also need to own my choices and show more conviction; only then will more meaning be brought forth. It sounds so ridiculous on some level, to be pained to decide whether a day of shopping or a day of hobbies is more appealing, but there you have it. I have been following a script that says I must carefully choose one or the other, and wisely, or else I will miss out. Since I have very few days off, it seems even more crucial to make the “right” decision. A whole day could be wasted; inspiration, excitement, happiness, or more. What I have failed to realize is that I create all these emotions myself depending on the attitude I have when living these events. I can make anything enjoyable or miserable. Why do I forget this? Why do I forget that everything happens in good time, all things can be realized, just not all at once? Again, I come back to the need to be more present instead of living in the headspace of my future or past.

I will spend my day doing things I love and catching up on some small tasks that can no longer be neglected before the return to work (laundry, tiddying, etc). My Bahamas mini-album is more than half-way done thanks to a get-together with Julie yesterday afternoon. I can be close to finishing it today! But it shouldn’t only be about finishing; it should be about enjoying the process and reliving our trip as I flip through the pages. Need to shift the focus here and it will probably be a lot more fun.

I would like to drink tea from our new glass tea kettle, the one designed to hold fancy flower teas that slowly unfurl as they steep. Some energize, other calm, depending on your needs that day.

Curling up with a book in late afternoon would also be a nice, relaxing way to end my vacation. I am at the ¾ point in one book; that part when you become fixated and can't put it down, and though you know it’s about to end, you don't quite want to leave the characters yet.

Speaking of good books, I have been meaning to mention this one. I read it a few weeks ago in the span of about 4 days. It was so good it kept me up until 3 in the morning one work night. I brought it with me to the staff room on several occasions and raved about it to colleagues, it's that good. It is told through the eyes of a 5-year old. It is haunting and beautiful and hopeful; it made my heart ache. I highly recommend it.

I have somewhat revamped the ol’ blog. It is a bit more “me” right now. I was so bored of the old look; it was so blah. I much prefer this. The font has also changed and I find it more enjoyable. I hope you will too. If this is your last day or week of vacation, do the things you love!