Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Shift and Begin

The new year has come and gone. It is my last day of vacation. I have toyed with the idea of a trip to Plattsburgh with mom but the specifics have failed to materialize. We like the idea of going, perhaps, more than the actual act of going. Why is that? There is some excitement in various possibilities all at once; an open road ahead and so much to explore. Then again, there is also the danger of dreaming too much and getting tangled in what-ifs and could-haves and far too many variables that it becomes crippling. I have been known to be deceived by this habit. Indecision is my one of my biggest shortcomings. To resolve this issue has been on my self-improvement list for some time. It tends to improve when I make lists with precise details, or when I play out full scenes in my mind so I can watch how it will all pan out if only I make the choice. Imagery can be so powerful. I know I also need to own my choices and show more conviction; only then will more meaning be brought forth. It sounds so ridiculous on some level, to be pained to decide whether a day of shopping or a day of hobbies is more appealing, but there you have it. I have been following a script that says I must carefully choose one or the other, and wisely, or else I will miss out. Since I have very few days off, it seems even more crucial to make the “right” decision. A whole day could be wasted; inspiration, excitement, happiness, or more. What I have failed to realize is that I create all these emotions myself depending on the attitude I have when living these events. I can make anything enjoyable or miserable. Why do I forget this? Why do I forget that everything happens in good time, all things can be realized, just not all at once? Again, I come back to the need to be more present instead of living in the headspace of my future or past.

I will spend my day doing things I love and catching up on some small tasks that can no longer be neglected before the return to work (laundry, tiddying, etc). My Bahamas mini-album is more than half-way done thanks to a get-together with Julie yesterday afternoon. I can be close to finishing it today! But it shouldn’t only be about finishing; it should be about enjoying the process and reliving our trip as I flip through the pages. Need to shift the focus here and it will probably be a lot more fun.

I would like to drink tea from our new glass tea kettle, the one designed to hold fancy flower teas that slowly unfurl as they steep. Some energize, other calm, depending on your needs that day.

Curling up with a book in late afternoon would also be a nice, relaxing way to end my vacation. I am at the ¾ point in one book; that part when you become fixated and can't put it down, and though you know it’s about to end, you don't quite want to leave the characters yet.

Speaking of good books, I have been meaning to mention this one. I read it a few weeks ago in the span of about 4 days. It was so good it kept me up until 3 in the morning one work night. I brought it with me to the staff room on several occasions and raved about it to colleagues, it's that good. It is told through the eyes of a 5-year old. It is haunting and beautiful and hopeful; it made my heart ache. I highly recommend it.

I have somewhat revamped the ol’ blog. It is a bit more “me” right now. I was so bored of the old look; it was so blah. I much prefer this. The font has also changed and I find it more enjoyable. I hope you will too. If this is your last day or week of vacation, do the things you love!

1 comment:

Fanitious said...

Awesome thoughts!
I resonated with a lot of what was mentioned about planning and indecision. Perhaps the font change may be the writer in you emerging!
Keep it up!
Very inspiring!