The waiting game

I am sitting before my screen, still in pyjamas. No time to take a shower for fear I will miss “the” call. The call may or may not come. There are so many ways this day can play out. The varying degrees are all unknown. I try to tell myself there is excitement to be had in the waiting, but it is challenging. My heart is beating faster than normal. My right side has the familiar pinch that comes with over-thinking, over-hunching as I type, over-caffeinating and staying at my computer for far longer than is healthy. On facebook I have never had so many chat windows open at the same time. My cell phone is vibrating every few minutes with news from friends; news about how this year will take form. Even in the discomfort of the unknown, I am awed by the buzz that’s about, the fast-paced way in which information travels. I love the feeling that links us all together, to be part of this separate little club, this teacher bubble, this collective consciousness if only for a day. We will most likely go our separate directions, mostly with feelings of apprehension. But at least, if only in spirit, we are going through it together, on the same wave-length.

It’s a process of re-learning, of shifting the way you look at things, of being open to new experiences. It is always daunting, overwhelming at first. But if I could do it last year, there is no reason why I should not be able to conquer it all again. It’s not as if I had any friends at the time. I had to make them. I had to get to know my students, the staff, the school in general. I must remind myself of this. Sometimes I take for granted all that I built.

For the time being, I need to distract myself with things I love. All in due time…